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Susa Profile
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Registered: 07-2006
Location: Oχάιο
Posts: 219
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Church Bulletins


    These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    --------------------------
    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
    --------------------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    --------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
    --------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
    --------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    --------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    --------------------------
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    --------------------------
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    --------------------------
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
    --------------------------
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    --------------------------
    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
    --------------------------
    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    --------------------------
    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    --------------------------
    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
    --------------------------
    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    --------------------------
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    --------------------------
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    --------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    --------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
    'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.




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SS eH PF
Mar/29/2011, 1:03 pm Link to this post Send PM to Susa Blog
 
Pastor Rick Profile
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Registered: 07-2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 1609
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Re:


Those are really really funny Susa. I am glad I read them before getting my coffee emoticon

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Advertise Boards On TRDConceptsDE
Mar/29/2011, 8:44 pm Link to this post Send Email to Pastor Rick   Send PM to Pastor Rick Blog
 
Susa Profile
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Registered: 07-2006
Location: Oχάιο
Posts: 219
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Re: Church Bulletins


 emoticon

I laughed out loud when I read them.



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SS eH PF
Mar/29/2011, 8:50 pm Link to this post Send PM to Susa Blog
 


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